NINE STEPS TO MASTERING THE EMOTIONS
Developed by Paul Solomon
Please go to the Paul Solomon Foundation before attempting this process.  This is a spiritual process and one needs to  understand that we are the creator of our own lives, and feel comfortable with responsibility, before undertaking such a process.

1. Do you recognize that you are being emotional……………………………………...................................

2. Describe the emotion In a word…………………………........................…….......................................……

Definition…………………………………………………………………………………….................................

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..........................

3. Accept responsibility "They didn’t do it to me. At some level, I chose to experience emotion. I want to understand and choose a better response for me, whether "they" change or not……………………………….YES

4. Describe the catalyst (the event or situation)…………………………………………..................................

………………………………………………………………………………………………………......................

5. My belief about myself or, myself in this situation…….……………………....................................………..

………………………………………………………………………………………………………......................

6. Do I still want the belief? Is it valid?………………………………………...............................………………

7. What is the "carrot"? (the goal…..What I really wanted to get with the emotion)

………………………………………………………………………………………………………......................

………………………………………………………………………………………………………......................

8. Does the emotion work to get the carrot?……………………………………………............................…...

Do I still want the carrot?………………………………………………………....................................................

9. Choose an appropriate response

New belief I want humans to experience in similar situations or feelings

………………………………………………………………………………………………………......................

New action I want to do in a similar situation……………………………...........................................................

………………………………………………………………………………………………………......................

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MASTERING EMOTIONS DEFINITIONS

ANGER ----------------------------------------------------Loss of control over others or self and attempt to regain it.

ANXIETY ------------------------------------------------------Incapacitating the self to avoid preparing for a situation.

BOREDOM ---------------------------------------Not taking responsibility for my own happiness or entertainment. 
                                                                      The effort involved to stay in a negative mood.

CONFUSION ---------------------Laziness of mind to keep from dealing with a situation or making a decision.

DEPRESSION -------------------------------------------------------------------------Indulging in helplessness as a luxury.

FEAR ---------------------------------------------------------Entertaining a fantasy of a danger that has not happened.

GRIEF -------------------------------------------------------------------- Loss of control over a source of love or attention.

GUILT ------------------------------- Indulging in concern over a past situation in order to avoid taking action now.

HATE -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Misplaced expression of Love.

HOME-SICKNESS -------------------------------------------Loss of source of attention and a source of self-identity.

HURT -----------------------------------------Denial of responsibility for one’s own feelings of a feeling that another
                                                               is not doing what I want her/him to do.

JEALOUSY ---------------------------------------------------Feeling of inadequacy to a known or unknown competitor.

LONELINESS ----------------------------------------------- Placing responsibility for my happiness on someone else.

REGRET -------------------------------------------Feeling inferior because something didn’t go the way I wanted it to.

REJECTION -----------------------------------------------------------Unsuccessful attempt to gain approval from another.

SELF PITY ---------------------------------------------------Indulging in helplessness as a luxury (substitute for self love.

SELF RIGHT-EOUSNESS ---------------------------Feeling superior to another in order to feel good about myself.

SHYNESS ---------------------------------------------------------------------------Waiting for someone else to tell me I’m OK.

 COROLLARIES

FOR THE EMOTIONS OF                           -------------------------------                    USE THE DEFINITION OF

AGGRAVATION                                                                                                                       ANGER

ANNOYANCE                                                                                                                           ANGER

APATHY                                                                                                                                  BOREDOM

CONTEMPT                                                                                                                 SELF-RIGHTOUSNESS

DISAPPOINTMENT                                                                                                                  REGRET

DISDAIN                                                                                                                        SELF-RIGHTOUSNESS

FRUSTRATION                                                                                                                           ANGER

IMPATIENCE                                                                                                                               ANGER

INDIFFERENCE                                                                                                                       BOREDOM

INDIGNATION                                                                                                                  SELF-RIGHTOUSNESS

IRRITATION                                                                                                                                   ANGER

PRIDE                                                                                                                               SELF-RIGHTOUSNESS

REMORSE                                                                                                                                      GRIEF

RESENTMENT                                                                                                                         ANGER & HURT

SADNESS                                                                                                                                      REGRET

FATIGUE                                                                    BOREDOM, AVOIDANCE OF WHAT YOU DON’T WANT

5 STEP PROCESS FOR 2 OR MORE PEOPLE

This process can be done anywhere and anytime and usually doesn't take very long unless one of the people is really stuck. It involves filling in the blanks to the statements. It is best if you don't think much about what you say. Speak from the heart, the first thing that comes up. There is no right or wrong to it. The point of this exercise is to improve communication between people. Most often, what comes out of our mouths has a great deal of unspoken meaning behind it. This exercise helps to get behind the words, especially if you taken offense at what someone has said or they have taken offense at something you have said. This can be a very powerful exercise and requires complete honesty.

Each person in turn speaks to other following this outline:

Step 1. "When I hear you say ____________________ ."

Step 2. " I think that means ______________________ . "

Step 3. " That makes me feel _____________________ ."

Step 4. "My fear is that _________________________ . "

Step 5. " I want you to know my true feeling is _______ ."